


사랑이 좀 어려워 (Bye My First...)

by whatupdown



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Childhood Friends, Choi Soobin-Centric, F/M, First Crush, M/M, One Shot, One-Sided Choi Soobin/Kang Taehyun, Sad Choi Soobin, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:02:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28292067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatupdown/pseuds/whatupdown
Summary: Soobin develops non-platonic feelings for his 2 years younger friend Taehyun. He doesnt know what to do with what he feels.
Relationships: Choi Soobin & Kang Taehyun, Huening Kai/Kang Taehyun, Kang Taehyun/Original Character(s)
Kudos: 18





	사랑이 좀 어려워 (Bye My First...)

**Author's Note:**

> yes the title is from nct dream. i was listing to nct dream while writing this.
> 
> this came from a txt prompt generator on twitter. what i got was taebin - unrequited love - they were childhood friends. its been a long while since i last wrote, so i thought why not.
> 
> im quite rusty since its been so long, so please forgive my messy writing and if theres any typos.
> 
> this is my first fic in txt moa fandom!
> 
> hope you like it!
> 
> *suneung is csat, the university entrance exam all final year highschoolers in korea take at the end of the school year.  
> *mixers are kinda like group blind dates, see if you hit off with anyone in the mixer.  
> *anything in italics are soobin pov mental thoughts

* * *

Soobin never really expected it. Never imagined that he'd get to this point. He doesn't know what to do with what he was feeling for the younger. 

They had grown up together since diaper days. Their parents being friends automatically made them friends as well due to the many playdates arranged. Soobin was older than Taehyun by 2 years so he still had to take care of the younger like the big brother he should be.

That was how it was from then till now. It was innate the need to protect the younger, to care for the younger. Soobin had always been there for taehyun, even in school. Taehyun's classmates during elementary would find it cool that he was close to a senior. The shy proud smile Taehyun sported made Soobin feel proud as well. 

Up to middle school where it was Taehyun's first year while Soobin's last year. Things were still fine. They'd still hang out and play games. Do homework together where at times even Taehyun had to teach his hyung the formulas he forgot from first year. 

Things started to change when Soobin graduated and was a first year in high school, Taehyun being second year middle school. His batch mates were all in that stage of wanting to have a high school romance. Crushing on the seniors or the kids in the next class. 

Soobin didn't really find anyone interesting at school and would honestly rather spend time with taehyun instead. He'd avoid invitations to mixer gatherings and say he has to pick up Taehyun from school.

He really should have picked up on the side remarks his classmates made whenever he brings up Taehyun's name. Maybe he should have realised when one of them jokingly commented that Soobin sounded like he was in love with the middle schooler. But it never really sank in.

* * *

It was when Soobin was second year high school, Taehyun on his last in middle school. During the final exams period. Soobin was once again avoiding a mixer gathering, but the guys kept trying to bring him along since the girls mostly kept asking if Soobin was coming. He somehow managed to dodge and was on his way to Taehyun's school to pick him up.

When soobin arrived at the front gate, planning to call Taehyun to say he's here, he noticed the younger standing under the tree, at a visible distance from the gate, not too far but not too near either. He wasn't alone though. There was a girl with him and to Soobin it looked like giving Taehyun something, and both kids looked equally shy and flustered. 

_Is she confessing?_

Soobin had a tiny pinch in his chest when he saw Taehyun accepting the gift. It didn't last long however since Taehyun noticed his hyung standing at the gate and politely excused himself. 

* * *

During the walk home, (it was Taehyun's house this time) Soobin wanted to ask about what happened but Taehyun was fixated on the gift he received. It was only when they were in Taehyun's room that Soobin could ask. But the reaction he got, Soobin kinda felt maybe he shouldn't have asked.

Why was he feeling like this seeing the younger blush because of someone else. Shouldn't he feel happy that he's witnessing Taehyun's first crush? Why was that pinch feeling in his chest back again when Taehyun starts talking about the girl in his class, the girl that gave him the gift, the girl that was also a smart student who usually ties in with Taehyun for highest score, the girl who's also part of the singing club that apparently Taehyun had a duet with for a school performance. 

Why did he feel heavy when Taehyun asked what should he do? If he should accept the confession now or if they should take it slow as it was still finals period. Shouldn't Soobin feel happy and supportive? Shouldn't he be jumping right on to give advice to the younger?

* * *

That night, tossing and turning in his bed back at home. Soobin came to the conclusion that mayhaps he does have non platonic feelings for the younger. He thought about the comfort he felt, those shining eyes looking up at him, the bright smile that makes him smile too. The way he'd rather spend more time with the younger than with his classmates.

But he can't really do anything about it. Although they were only two years apart, Soobin's still in high school and Taehyun's still a middle schooler. Wasnt that weird? Plus Taehyun obviously is crushing on someone else. 

Soobin ends up deciding, albeit with a bit of heaviness, he should be the elder brother and help Taehyun out with his crush. He tried reading up some posts and also tried asking his friends. 

* * *

Two days later he got to meet up with the younger and unloaded all the information he had collected. Taehyun kept saying his hyung was ridiculous, laughing at some of the weird ideas. That made Soobin happy. Seeing Taehyun happy was enough for him. 

The next week, Taehyun was waiting for his hyung at the gate. Beside him was his now official girlfriend. Taehyun had wanted to introduce her to Soobin and vice versa. Soobin noted that she does look like a nice girl, quite pretty too. Her name was Jaerin. When he was told that she would be joining them for lunch and to the library after, Soobin accepted, but still had a tiny heaviness in the deep corner.

Looking at them the whole lunch and during their study at the library, he felt that they looked good with each other. It was like a perfect picture. He had thoughts that he might be a bother, that they should have privacy instead. _But then again they're both middle schoolers, he should still be there to watch over them._ Or maybe he just felt heavy seeing them together.

* * *

After they sent her home, Soobin trying to be the elder he is, jokingly nudged the younger. 

"Both of you look real cute"

"Hyung please,,"

"No really, I can see you like her"

"I..yea..I do.."

Soobin sees a shy smile. One that both he finds cute but also brings him a bit of pain as it's for someone else.

* * *

It's been months now, Soobin in his final year while Taehyun in first year high school. It was almost the start of the second semester when Taehyun showed up in Soobin's room. Tear stained face. Looking absolutely heartbroken. 

He held the younger, enveloping him in a hug. Silently giving him the comfort he needs, waiting for Taehyun to speak up. They had moved to sit down on the floor where the bean bags were at. It was a while before Taehyun calmed down again, finally talking about what had happened.

Jaerin was moving. Not just out of the area but out of the country. Her parents found jobs there and they obviously can't leave her behind. They were only just over six months together and now they had to break up. Because long distance, while they're both young, doesn't really seem very realistic. Say all the promises, all the plans, it's unlikely they'll come true. So they broke up, she didn't want to try. She didn't want to waste his and her time as well as the emotional effort and pressure of it.

Soobin just listened, it really was heartbreaking for him as well seeing the one he loved broken. His priority now was to be there for him. He doesn't tell him to not be sad about it. He allows the younger to feel. These are things people come across while growing up. But he'll still be there to take care of him. 

Soobin thought he had to worry about having to drag the younger to school as that's how he sees his classmates act after a break up. But Taehyun still did as usual, albeit looking a tad bit gloomier. Taehyun's usual routine never changed, aside from the after school dates which was now spent again hanging out in Soobin's room.

Soobin doesn't know how to feel about this. Sure he gets to hangout more again with Taehyun, but at the cost of the younger's heartbreak? He doesn't like that. There had also been flashes of thoughts that he should confess. But he quickly shakes them away. He's not going to do that, especially not while the boy is still broken.

* * *

Soobin was a senior high schooler, it was also a month in the second semester. That meant the preparations for the suneung exams were more rigorous, and he was getting more busy with studying. He wanted to still be there for Taehyun but the younger told him to focus on his exams instead. So he did, but still tried to check in with Taehyun during break times. 

Soobin got so busy and weeks passed by so quickly. He also felt a tad bit terrible he couldn't take care or hang out with Taehyun as much as he used to. The younger told him not to worry. Besides its not like Taehyun didn't have friends in his own batch. So it was fine.

Finally, Soobin got a break. There was a two week school break but third years were still expected to self study. He decided they'd go eat out to relax a bit. Taehyun agreed but also asked if he could bring a friend. He wanted to introduce him to Soobin, he was a new transfer student that just joined a month after the semester started. Around the same time Soobin started to get more busy with studies. 

"So you're gonna introduce to me the one who replaced me the past few months. I see."

Rolling his eyes. "Hyung please, you're literally like my real blood brother who can ever replace you."

_Yikes, that kinda stung. A brother. That's what I was, what I am, and what I'll always be to you._

Maybe Soobin should have sensed it. The moment Taehyun said he wanted to introduce someone to him. The last time this happened it was with Jaerin. Even with Taehyun's classmates, the younger never asked to introduce over lunch. Just a normal "this is so and so" and "hi nice to meet you". But he didn't really think about it much.

So Soobin wasn't really prepared to see what was in front of him. The boy's name was Hueningkai. He looked like a sweet boy. Soobin could feel so much positivity from the boy. So he doesn't really blame Taehyun for the heart eyes he was sporting. Soobin could see it clearly. Just like back then when introducing his girlfriend. But this time he wasn't prepared at all to see that since Taehyun said it was just a friend. 

Soobin once again felt that pinch in his heart. But if this boy was the one that was with Taehyun while he couldn't. If this boy brought back the smiles and got Taehyun to love again after his first heartbreak. What could Soobin do? He'll just have to accept again that someone else will be loving and loved by Taehyun. As long as Taehyun is happy, again that is enough for him.

He could also see that it wasn't one sided either. He could see the blushes and the same eyes filled with fondness on the other boy's face. It was only a matter of time if one of the two would confess. He hopes things would go well so he can see happy Taehyun more. 

* * *

On the way back home, Taehyun talked more about the things that happened during the time Soobin was busy. Updating the elder on even the small mundane things. He also told him about how his mother misses squishing Soobin's cheek and asked him to squish it for her. Which the younger did right after. He also told him that his mom said, "Soobin must be studying really hard to not have time to visit. Make him drop by for a bit or else Hueningkai will be my new favourite."

Throughout his stories, Soobin took note that Hueningkai was mentioned here and there, even up to threatening his spot in Taehyun's mom favourite list. He mentally sighed. But then again, during the short time he spent with the kid, he could see Hueningkai was a really good kid. Very lovable too.

"You like him don't you?"

"I- what?"

"You have a crush on Hueningkai, am I right? That's why you wanted to introduce him to me."

"Hyung, I- no. He's a friend! I just wanted you to meet him."

"You sure about that? I've known you for how long now hyun."

"I- okay." Taehyun whispers out. "Maybe I do, was it obvious?"

_There's the confirmation_ , along with the squeeze in his chest. Soobin shrugged, thinking whether he should say what he saw earlier. But why should he withhold it from Taehyun if it might make the younger happy?

So he says it anyways, even if it hurts a bit.

"You had heart eyes the whole time a while ago, though I don't think he noticed. So you're fine I guess. You looked at him like how you looked at...her before."

Taehyun paused. "Oh. I did?"

Soobin mentally panicked, should he have mentioned her? 

"Uhh. But!! Don't worry, I think he likes you back. The way he looks at you, I could sense the same amount of adoration." _It's similar to how I look at you, but his had no pain mixed in._

The younger was blushing. "That's a bit hard to believe hyung. Why would he? Maybe that's just how he is with people."

_Why does he have to be this cute._ "I'm very sure, I bet it on my exam results.”

“That’s a bit more concerning then hyung.”

“Yah, I scored well on the trials last week.” Soobin smacked the younger’s shoulder. Mock offended over the younger’s joke. 

Taehyun went quiet in thought for a short while before looking up at the elder.

“Hyung, should I confess?”

_No._ “Yea, if you really like him go ahead kid. Like I said, I'm sure it's not one sided.”

“Alright, maybe I will.”

* * *

Two days later, the younger had messaged him asking if he could come over to the café they usually go to. Soobin at that time was in the middle of reviewing but he can put it on hold for Taehyun. So he goes.

When Soobin arrived just outside the cafe, he could see inside through the glass window. A mixed feeling came across him. A bittersweet smile. Taehyun was there already, but Hueningkai was right beside him, seated very close together unlike the other day, laughing at something on someone’s phone. He now has a hunch on why the younger asked to meet up.

Taking a deep breath, he collected himself before walking in straight to their table.

“Alright lovebirds, hyung is here. Did you just call me here to pay for your food?”

“If you're offering.” Taehyun joked back.

Soobin just shook his head and took a seat. “Nice you already ordered for me too? So was I right between you two?”

Both the kids blushed. 

“Hyung you knew?” Hueningkai asked.

“Yeah, I’m the one that told him to confess.”

“Speaking about that, Hyung, I'd like to say thank you. Also wanted to tell you in person that kai and I are now dating heh.”

“Congrats kids. Both of you are really cute. Please take care of kai well, don’t kick him too.”

“Hyung!”

“He likes to kick me, be careful kai.”

Hueningkai laughed. “I’ll try to watch out hyung, thanks.”

Soobin smiles, seeing the two happily laughing, if Taehyun’s happy. That’s enough for him. He’ll be fine just watching over the younger.

* * *

“You seem really happy there. Why aren't you out with kai?”

The two friends were in Soobin’s room. Soobin was reviewing his subjects while Taehyun was sitting on the beanbag in the corner, happily laughing while he was typing away on his phone.

“He went to visit his relatives hyung. That's why I’m stuck here.”

“Oh that was today? Wait- hey! Go back to your own house then.”

Taehyun ignored the older. Soobin just shook his head and continued back on his papers. They stayed in that comfortable silence for a while. Then Taehyun broke it out of the blue.

“Hyung, thank you again. Really.”

“Oh ho, are you being sappy with me right now?”

“Hyung”

“Okay okay, I didn’t do much, it’s all you hyun.”

“No you still helped me, if it wasn't for that push i don't know if i would have confessed. I haven't said this in a long while but hyung, I really do love you. You’re really like the older brother I never had. Thank you hyung.”

Soobin paused. _Brother._

“I love you too hyun.” _But not in the same way you do._ “Now be the helpful dongsaeng and get your favourite hyung some water downstairs.”

“Abusing my love now I see hyung. Fine.”

The moment Taehyun left his room, Soobin let out a shaky breath. Wiping away the tears threatening to pour out before the younger comes back.

**Author's Note:**

> i didnt know how to end this im sorry, im sorry to binnie too. my poor baby ily.
> 
> jaerin is a random oc i made.
> 
> this took me 2 days to finish i wanted to cry at the 1.4k mark cause i wasnt even halfway through my mental timeline.
> 
> thank you for reading! any thoughts?


End file.
